Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
