im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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