Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
