i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
