Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's get the cat blown out
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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