I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
