Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
