I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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