the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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