That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
