At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
