Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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