he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
