Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
