Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
