By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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