the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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