I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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