ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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