What a fucking waste of an outfit
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
