Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
