I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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