Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
