i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
