I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
