out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
