just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
