i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I get sad thinking about all the sex Iām missing out on because of the virus
I instituted āquarantine and chillā months ago. Itās not like penises go soft just because theyāre working at home.
Randomize
