im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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