Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
