That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
