is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
