when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
