you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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