rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
