They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
