tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
smell my finger.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
