You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
