i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
