I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
