i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
