Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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