I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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