Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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