he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
