well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
