She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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