Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
