And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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