Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
