if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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