the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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