i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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