So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
