I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
