She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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