I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
