How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
