Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
