the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
that is very illegal...i love you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
