Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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