just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
