oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
