At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people