I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.