Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?