my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.