Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dating After Heartbreak
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you