he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
