I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades