My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends