I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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