You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she told me i tasted like america
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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