what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
