The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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