giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
