idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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