Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
