Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
